your second paragraph and the end of the first are your strongest. The wet grass and blackberry briars are more evocative than the misting groves - though the hazelnut groves ARE evocative. I'm just stating a preferance.
In a longer piece, you could cut the musings about her place and future, just establish one fact she is pondering or worrying about, since the rest could be elaborated elsewhere.
I would like to see this as a longer piece. You've got a great start here, a chance encounter, unlikely and all. Love it love it love it.
Feel free to send me a draft to review. After all, I owe you one or two!
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Date: 2004-01-14 08:52 am (UTC)In a longer piece, you could cut the musings about her place and future, just establish one fact she is pondering or worrying about, since the rest could be elaborated elsewhere.
I would like to see this as a longer piece. You've got a great start here, a chance encounter, unlikely and all. Love it love it love it.
Feel free to send me a draft to review. After all, I owe you one or two!