on passion

In a conversation about SCA recognition, ayeshadream wrote:

I had a deep discussion with a friend about this the other weekend who was visibly upset about how a competition turned out. I said so long as they do what they're passionate about then nothing else matters.

"Follow your passion" is fairly common advice in the SCA, in any small-liberal-artsy context, in life. I find it mildly alienating. I am never that certain about my emotions, nor that focused in my enthusiasms. Of course there are broad themes (playing into my SCA activities are affinities for grammar, for checking out too many library books, for teaching, writing, repetitive crafts), but I know full well that there are all sorts of ways to satisfy my interests. There's an alternate world where I quilt, run the website for a small literary journal, and study classical Chinese poetry, and I'm perfectly happy there.

I use the SCA like a lens. I'm motivated by conversation, by the gaps in conversation, and sometimes (I admit) by the wish to show off. I enjoy formal competitions, because they provide structure, deadlines, concrete goals. And you know what? I do want to be a Laurel when I grow up. I don't want to be a Laurel to the exclusion of sanity, or a real job, or rereading Jane Austen and petting the cats. But sometimes a little bit of ambition can be useful.